As You Like It-Hey Arnold Style
by blacknotebook
Summary: A hey Arnold take on Shakesspeares "As you Like It". Helga is forced to leave town, but before she leaves Arnold falls in love with her and will go to any length to get her back. but she is in disguise. If you reveiwed before, please re-review!!
1. Helga's Leaving

As You Like It  
  
Disclaimer/Summary: I don't own Hey Arnold, blah blah blah. This story is based on William Shakespeare's "As You Like It" which is a great play. (I am also putting it into modern day English so it's easier to read). The kids are now about 18. I know the actual story is a little far fetched.  
  
1 Helga walked down the street, cold and alone, sobbing silently. She had just gotten news that her father had led the police to a black market for beepers run by Bob's key competitor. The witness protection program had told them they would need to move and take up new identities. Helga was heartbroken. 'How will I ever see Arnold and tell him how I feel?' they were being forced to leave this very night. Apparently the man running the black market had many associates that could do harm to the Pataki household.  
  
Helga's new name was now Haley Patterson. Bob was Bill, Miriam was Martha and Olga was Olivia. To throw off the hit men, they also got a cat, because everyone knew that Bob was violently allergic to animals. Once during a live talk show, the host had brought out a dog, since her next guest had been a veterinarian. Bob ran out of the studio faster than anything but that dog. He had ended up in the hospital for a couple of days with a severe allergic reaction. They were moving to the other side of town, living in their own house in an actual neighborhood. Helga would now be going to P.S. 113, making all new friends. If she could actually do it. She had completely forgotten how to be nice to anyone besides Phoebe, and the occasionally Arnold.  
  
Arnold. She wouldn't see him again. Ever. This new realization ripped her heart into shreds and she collapsed on the sidewalk in front of the city park, weeping. "I'll never tell him that I love him or that I live just for him. All these years and I haven't said it. Now when I finally have the courage, I can't. Life is ironic that way."  
  
She heard footsteps behind her and got up, hurriedly wiping her eyes, making no difference whatsoever.  
  
"Helga?" It was the one person that Helga had wished wouldn't show up. It was Arnold. Now he would ask all sorts of questions, and in her present state she couldn't put up a good defense.  
  
"What's wrong? Are you okay?"  
  
'Here they come. 20 questions. And I can't lie.' She thought.  
  
"Arnold...I.I.I'm moving away." 


	2. The truth is told

A/N Sorry that chapter was so short guys. I wrote it in my Language Arts class(I am not an addict Anton, L.A. is just unbearably boring.)and I posted it at about 10 o'clock at night. Also, this is set in Chicago, so the other side of town might as well be another state. Also, I'm trying some new stuff like chapters, and peoples POV's, and having a life, so no getting mad when the chapters are kinda late. Also, I'll insert some actual dialogues from the real play, and those will be in italics.  
  
"Arnold.I...I.I'm moving away." Arnold stared at her.  
  
"What?" He thought he had mistaken her.  
  
"I'm moving. Tonight."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Because, for my dads work I guess. Oh God Arnold, I don't want to move!" Arnold drew her up to him and held her close. As she was sobbing against him, Arnold felt something stirring in his heart that he had never felt before. "My God," he thought. "I'm falling I love with Helga."  
  
"It's okay Helga. It'll be okay. You can still come back to see us. I'll come there to see you too. Don't worry."  
  
"No Arnold. It can't happen like that. I can never come back. Good bye." She walked away, leaving Arnold standing alone on the street.  
  
Later on, Helga got into a car with her sister and a Federal Agent named Jim. Helga wasn't sure if Jim could talk, as he only grunted when she asked him questions. She finally just figured that if he had gotten into the secret service, he probably wasn't mute. Since Jim wasn't up for conversation, and Helga would rather watch the history channel for two days straight than talk to Olga, she sat in silence.  
  
"I can't believe myself! He was hugging me and I couldn't even tell him. What is WRONG with me?!" After about half an hour sitting and thinking, Olga screeched,  
  
"Oh baby sister, isn't it wonderful! A whole new place and new people. This will be so much fun!" Helga judged by Olga's outburst that they had reached their new home. She got out of the car, and with a final grunt from Jim; she was stranded in her new life.  
  
Their new house was almost identical to their old one except for the color. This one was a dark green. Helga opened the door and walked inside. Miriam and Bob were already there, directing the movers on where to put things. Helga walked up to her new room. Inside, all her furniture was strewn around. She went to work, putting it where it needed to be. The rest of the weekend was spent sulking in her room. The next morning, she awake to the sound of-  
  
"Hey Hel-uh, Haley! Get down here! Time to go to school." Helga threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, grabbed her book bag and ran down stairs.  
  
"Thanks for the wake up call Bill." Helga grabbed a toaster strudel and ran out the door to catch the bus.  
  
****Arnolds POV****  
  
I looked after her retreating figure, and even after she was gone, I stared at the place that she had last been in. Once I came to my senses, I ran to Phoebe's house to see if she had heard the news. I pounded on her door, hoping that she, and not one of her parents would answer it. She opened it, looking confused.  
  
"Phoebe! Helga's gone. For good. She's moving tonight. Right now. We have to do something."  
  
"What do you mean she's moving?"  
  
"Her dad got a new job or something. She said they had to leave tonight." Phoebe thought about this.  
  
"Arnold, they wouldn't leave on such short notice because of her dad's work. Something else is happening. Hop in my car, we'll go to her house, then follow them." Phoebe left a note for her parents and they left. She got to Helga's house as soon as possible, and arrived just in time to see a black car pull out of the driveway. They tailed it all the way to Helga's new house. They were lucky, because the car they followed was one that carried the Pataki family valuables (mainly Olga's trophies) so it didn't have an agent in it.  
  
Phoebe wrote down the address and decided to go home and do some research on the whole matter. When they were driving, Phoebe asked Arnold,  
  
"Why are so concerned about this Arnold? When Sid moved to L.A., you didn't go rushing off to find him." Arnold looked down at his knees and mumbled,  
  
"I didn't feel this way about Sid either." Phoebe stooped the car and looked at him.  
  
"What?" She asked in a surprised voice.  
  
"Phoebe, I, I think I'm in love with her." Phoebe laughed gleefully.  
  
"Oh, I knew it. It's a long shot. The only reason she let me hold her was because she was so upset. But I can't help it. I fell head over heels for her tonight."  
  
"No Arnold, it's not that. I was just a little surprised."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Oh, uh, no reason."  
  
"So, what are we going to do?"  
  
"I was thinking about first finding out what's going on, then going to sleep, seeing as it is 11 o'clock."  
  
"Yeah, we can come up with a plan tomorrow."  
  
Phoebe dropped Arnold off at the boarding house, then went home to spend the rest of the night on the internet, finding out the problem. 


	3. Helga Makes A Friend-Kind Of

Okay people, I'm well aware that one was short as well. If anyone has read As You Like It, if you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate it. But for now, on with the story. Also, I forgot to add something in the last chapter, so that's gonna be the first thing here.  
  
On Saturday, another FBI guy came, and he took the Pataki family to a beauty parlor type place. They were all led to different rooms. Woman came out, and said to Helga,  
  
"I am Chloe. I will be transforming you into a whole new person." She looked at Helga for a minute or so and said,  
  
"Yes, I think brown will be best. And short. And that eyebrow will have to go. Well, lets get started!" Helga was completely dreading this, but she wasn't in any mind to start a fight with a guy who looked like Jim's clone.  
  
At the end of about two hours, Chloe spun Helgas chair around, and Helga almost had a heart attack. Her hair was cropped short, it was brown, and looked a hell of a lot better than it did before. Her eyebrows (note the plural) had a good shape, and Helga, while in shock, actually liked the way she looked.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Phoebe soon figured out by searching recent news events, a major competitor of Big Bob's had been shut down by Big Bob himself. Realizing at once that this had something to do with it, she then searched the city's community records by the address she had written down. She found out that a Bill and Martha Patterson had bought the house. Phoebe soon put two and two together and figured out what had happened. She realized that tomorrow was Saturday, and she wouldn't see Arnold at school, so she sent him an email to meet her at the park.  
  
* * * * * * * * Helgas POV * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Helga got on the bus, and slid into one o the empty seats. She was completely dreading this day. She would have to make friends with people she had never met before, and since it was her senior year, she would only have them for a year. She was also very self conscious about her new look, even though Olga and Chloe had assured her it was wonderful. A young man about Helga's age smiled at her from across the aisle. She glared at him.  
  
"What." She said crossly. He still smiled and he moved to sit next to Helga.  
  
"Hi. I'm Will. What's your name?"  
  
"Why do you care?"  
  
"I want to know. You look like a nice person."  
  
"Whatever. You obviously don't know me."  
  
"I'd like to."  
  
"Good luck."  
  
"Thanks. You know, I haven't seen you around here before."  
  
"That's because I haven't been around here before." He laughed.  
  
"Okay. So, are you going to tell me your name, or do I have to play detective to find out."  
  
"I'll save you the trouble. It's Haley."  
  
"Haley." He murmured to himself. "You know", he said to her, "Since you're new, maybe I could help you find you're classes and stuff."  
  
"Fine. If it means that much to you, fine."  
  
"You know, most girls would love for a guy to come and make an offer like this."  
  
"Well, I'm not most girls, am I?"  
  
"No, you're certainly not." The bus stopped in front of the school. Will got off the bus and waited for Helga. She followed him inside the school to a room with a door labeled 'Scheduling Office'. All through her walk with him down the hall, it seemed as if about one hundred people had said 'hi' to Will in the hall. "Great.' Helga thought. "He must be popular. And so will I if I'm his friend. Just what I need. Five hundred people prying into my life." They went into the office, and an old woman said,  
  
"What do you need dearies?"  
  
"I need my class schedule. I'm a new student, Haley Patterson."  
  
"Ah, yes. Just a moment." She ruffled through some papers until she found the one she was looking for.  
  
'I am pretty sure that these are the classes you specified this weekend. If you need any other help, please come back." They left.  
  
"Whose your homeroom teacher?" Will asked.  
  
"Matheson."  
  
"Oh, that's just down the hall from mine. I'll escort you there."  
  
"Alright." He led her to he room and promised to meet her there when homeroom let out. Helga walked into the room. "Matheson" was an old man, and when she came in, he said,  
  
"And who might you be?"  
  
"Haley Patterson. I'm a new student."  
  
"Oh, how special. Please sit down here in front. In a few minutes maybe we'll have you come up and say something about yourself."  
  
"How special." She muttered. "Another Simmons."  
  
She sat down between two girls, each of who looked at her.  
  
"What?" One of them, a blonde in a miniskirt said,  
  
"I'm Erica. She's Maddie. If you stick with us, we can tell you who's cool to hang out with."  
  
'Wow, that's really nice." Helga stared straight ahead of her and the girls finally went back to whatever they were doing. After a few moments of listening to announcements, Mr. Matheson motioned for Helga to stand up.  
  
'So, Haley, tell us about yourself." Helga shoved her hands in her pockets and said,  
  
"I'm from Cali. I like to write. I don't like people who think that think they're better than everyone", this comment was directed to Erica and Maddie. " I also don't like it when other people try and get into your business, so stay out of mine. And that was my 'special' commentary." The class was silent.  
  
"Well," said Mr. Matheson, "that was, um, special." 


	4. Arnold Follows Helga

Hello all my adoring subjects! (Waves *elbow elbow wrist wrist* people throw rotten vegetables and I duck) I know it's been a long time, but I went up north over winter break and there was no computer.  
  
  
  
Arnold was sitting on a bench, staring at the water when Phoebe got to the park.  
  
"Hey Arnold."  
  
"Oh, hey Phoebe. So what did you figure out?"  
  
"Well Arnold, I compiled a database of information and going through it, I concluded that Big Bob and his family are in danger from one of his competitors, so they were put in the witness protection program."  
  
"Okay. So what do we do?"  
  
"What do you mean what do we do? Arnold, there's nothing we can do. She lives 45 minutes away under the security of federal agents."  
  
"Phoebe! Please. I need this. I need her. I've never been in love before. It's like finally finding what you've been loosing for after years of searching. Or the missing piece to a puzzle. Please." Phoebe was torn. She knew she would be putting Helga in danger if she did this, but she and Arnold would finally be together like the universe had intended.  
  
"Fine Arnold. But you're going to have to make some real sacrifices."  
  
"Anything." Phoebe was shocked that he cared so much for her.  
  
"But you don't have to d it alone. I'm her best friend. She'll need me. So, if you realy want to, we are going to switch schools. We'll go to hers. My parents will agree because they believe friendship is quite important. If you're grandparents don't have too many scruples, I should be able to get us registered by this coming Tuesday,"  
  
"Really? That's all we have to do? Switch schools? That's simple."  
  
"Arnold, you are so naive. You will have to leave all your friends, start over, all for the love of one girl. Do you really think you can do it?"  
  
"I have to. I'll die if I don't."  
  
"Then get ready for the ride of your life."  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * ** *  
  
  
  
"Here's your class Helga. Calculus, Mrs. Henderson, room 204. "  
  
"Thanks Will."  
  
"No problem." Helga took a deep breath as she stepped into her fifth class of the day. The day had been long, telling everyone about herself in every class. She hated this. She wanted to be back with her old friends, with Phoebe, with Arnold. She had tried to shove him to the back of her mind, but she kept thinking about that night. Why hadn't he said anything? Was she so unlikable? Helga knew what she had done wasn't like her, but she had needed someone, and he was there.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
  
Arnold walked into the boarding house after a long day of school, dreading what he would have to tell his grandparents.  
  
"Hey short man!" Arnold was now at least four inches taller than his grandpa.  
  
"Hi grandpa." Phil noticed his grandson's spirits were low, and said,  
  
"What's wrong Arnold? Too many raspberries?"  
  
"No, I just have something to tell you."  
  
"You're not pregnant are you?"  
  
"Grandpa! This is serious!"  
  
"Alright. Come on into the kitchen and we can talk it over with your grandma." They walked to the kitchen were Gertie was cooking something that Arnold guessed had gone bad back in '82.  
  
"Hello Kimba."  
  
"Hi Grandma."  
  
"Arnold's got something to tell us Pookie."  
  
"Is it Eleanor again Kimba?" Arnold had never figured who his grandmother was refering to when she talked about Eleanor.  
  
"Well, see it's really complicated. You guy's know Helga right?"  
  
"The ugly girl?"  
  
"Grandpa! She's not ugly. She's beautiful, and she has this air about her, and her hair just shimmers when it falls around her shoulders, and her eyes are like the color of-" Arnold shook himself from his thoughts in fairyland, blushing.  
  
"Well, anyways, she moved to the other side of the city because of her dad. She doesn't have any friends over there, and Phoebe says she's probably miserable, and, and, and, I love her." He looked at the floor when he said this last part.  
  
"Good for you Arnold! Go get her! Did I ever tell you about the little girl I used to know back in grade school? Come on, I'll show." His grandpa walked off, rambling. Arnold stayed in the kitchen and asked his grandmother what she thought.  
  
"You and Eleanor will be very happy together Kimba. I'll send you a toaster f or the wending, because I think I'm going to be in Africa with the President."  
  
"Thanks Grandma." Arnold went up to his room to call Phoebe.  
  
"Hey Phoebe."  
  
"Hello Arnold, have you talked to your guardians yet?"  
  
"Yeah. They said it was fine, since it was for love. I have this feeling they knew each other in school, so they're trying to make it work for me."  
  
"That's wonderful Arnold. I have us registered in all the same classes as we have now. We can start tomorrow. I'll pick you up at 6:30."  
  
"Oh, God that's early."  
  
"You said you wanted to do this."  
  
"I do. I do."  
  
"I believe you're supposed to wait for the wedding to say that Arnold."  
  
"See you tomorrow Pheebs."  
  
"Alright Arnold." 


	5. Uh Oh

Okay, here's the bottom line. I WANT REVIEWS! How hard is it to type a sentence or two after you read my story?! I type hundreds of sentences for you, and I get what, 9?  
  
Okay, with that said, and my ridilin taken, we can safely go on with the story. Also, I made a mistake in the last chapter. Near the end, Will calls Helga Helga, instead of Haley. Just omit that mistake from your minds, I wrote it at about 10 o'clock at night. That is also the reason I could use an editor (hint hint), so email me if you want to help me out.  
  
Arnold and Phoebe walked into their new high school, looking around for the reason that they had both dropped their lives. They had gone to the office, gotten their schedules and books, and were now wandering around until their first class. Phoebe had pulled some strings and gotten their homeroom and lunch period together. Now, they wouldn't have to face it alone. They didn't find her, so they went to homeroom.  
  
"Okay Arnold, if we do see Helga, we have to have a good story for being here. We're both pretty smart, so we could say that our old school recommended this school for our senior year since it would be more challenging. She might just buy it."  
  
"Yeah, I mean, its not like I could just go up to her and say, "I love you." She'd hate me forever."  
  
"I know she wouldn't hate you, she'd probably just be somewhat skeptical. She knows what it's like to love someone who doesn't return the feeling. She won't hate you."  
  
Even though this speech was made to make Arnold feel better, it made him feel considerably worse.  
  
"So, she already loves someone? Do I even have a chance?"  
  
"Believe me Arnold, you have all the luck in the world for getting what you want."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I have a sixth sense about these things."  
  
"Let's just hope you're right." They didn't see her all day. Arnold wasn't discouraged in the least though. He was happy knowing that he would soon be with the one he loved.  
  
Helga went home that day, wishing she were anywhere but where she was. At home, no one cared about her, and now that she had two names, it was quite confusing. Bob would call her Olga for about a third of the time, the rest was a mixture of Helga, Haley and, Hattie. Helga didn't even know where he came up with that one. Olga was gone most of the time, interviewing for colleges where she could get her masters. She had taken a year off to do charity work for children in Alaska, so she was eager to be the center of attention again. She wished all the time that she had refused to move, and had figured out a way to stay back in the old neighborhood. She should have talked to Phoebe. She knew how to do everything. Will had been nice and everything, but what Helga really needed were her friends.  
  
Helga's gum shrine had been found when they were packing up the house, and was thrown out. She made a new place where she could worship Arnold, and with no risk of getting her lips stuck when she fanaticized about kissing him. It was in the back of her walk in closet, made out of photographs that had been taken throughout they're lifetimes. Most of them were can did shots, Arnold walking down the street, taken from an alley, Arnold hitting a home run, eating pizza, talking to people. Some were shots that Helga had actually gotten the nerve to ask Arnold to pose for, her excuse being a photography class that Helga had taken just for this reason.  
  
Her life was becoming unbearable, so she called Phoebe. The W.P.A. (witness protection agency) had strictly forbid any contact with previous acquaintances, but Helga needed to talk to her best friend. She picked up her phone and dialed Phoebe's number.  
  
Phoebe had just walked into her house when her phone rang. She went to the kitchen, picked it up and said,  
  
"Hello?" A quavering voice on the other end softly said,  
  
"Phoebe?"  
  
"Helga? Is that you?" Helga broke down and started crying.  
  
"Phoebe. I need you. You have to come and help me."  
  
"Helga? What's wrong?" Phoebe had to play the dummy.  
  
"We…we moved. But not far away. Only to the other side of town. I need you Phoebe. I can't do this without you."  
  
"Helga, slow down. What can I do?"  
  
" I don't know! Switch schools, or run away." Helga was sobbing again.  
  
"I'm sorry Phoebe. That was unfair. Do what you can. At least visit me on weekends. I'll email you the address, cause our mail gets watched. And you can't tell a soul."  
  
"Helga, I'll do what I can. Just hold in there."  
  
"Thanks Phoebe."  
  
Phoebe put down her phone, exasperated. She was torn between the loyalty of two friends. In one hand she held Arnold's heart, in the other she held Helga's friendship and sanity. After a debate between her two choices, Phoebe chose to help Helga. She was Helga's one friend, and Arnold was smart. He could take care of himself. They could still drive to school together; just Phoebe wouldn't be there with him. She called Arnold that night to tell him.  
  
"Hey, Arnold?"  
  
"Yeah, hi Phoebe."  
  
"Arnold, I have something to tell you."  
  
"What is it? Is something wrong?"  
  
"No, not exactly. I just heard from Helga."  
  
"Is she okay? Is she hurt?"  
  
"No, she's relatively fine."  
  
"Good."  
  
"See, she needs my help dealing with this, and she swore me to secrecy."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Well, I need to help her Arnold. And that means I can't help you. So, I'll still drive you too and from school, but after that, you're on your own."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I really quite sorry Arnold, but I feel that my loyalties lie with Helga."  
  
"It's fine Phoebe. I'm glad you're going to help her."  
  
"I'm glad you can take this so well. And one other thing. Don't tell her that I knew you were in on this, and try to limit our socialization together in school."  
  
"Okay Phoebe. Anything for Helga."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
(In a small, shady looking office in the north side of Chicago.)  
  
"Boss, we got the numbers on the Pataki clan. All we need is your signal."  
  
"Thass good Little Tim. Thass real good news."  
  
"So you want me to get the guys boss?"  
  
"No, I wanna deal with this personally."  
  
"Personally boss?"  
  
"Hey, the man put my own brother in the slammer. This isn't business. Its family."  
  
"Right boss."  
  
"Get outta here Little Tim."  
  
"Right boss." The gangster leaves the man, who leans back in his chair and says,  
  
"I'm gonna hit this Bob where it hurts. His own family."  
  
  
  
Well, I know it's short, but you can't have everything! I know I said in one of the fist chapters that I would put some real dialogue from the play in, and I'm working on it. I just have to get the stories to match up. Till then,  
  
The Mysterious,  
  
Black Notebook 


	6. poetry and Dialogue

As You Like It- Chapter 6  
  
Friendship  
  
Hey guys! Thanks for (finally) reviewing my story. I'm glad you like it, and I'm gonna try and write faster for those of you who are impatient. And, if you want to be nice to me, check out my other three Hey Arnold fics, and review those too. Onwards!  
  
To: KarateMAster245  
  
From: AttItudeProbLem956  
  
Subject: Help!  
  
Hey Pheebs! Thanks SOOO much for helping me out here. You are seriously a better friend than anyone could ask for. Anyway, here's my address, and a plan to meet up. Thanks a mil!  
  
-Helga  
  
169 Rosewood Boulevard. Go down the main highway until you get to Exit 67. Take a right on Lower City Avenue, then keep going until you hit Torach Road. You'll come into the main part of the city, and take Washington Avenue until you come to Rosewood. Then just look for my house.  
  
Actually, don't use those directions just yet. Meet me in the library of Groves High School. I'll be there.  
  
Phoebe read the e-mail. The next morning, she hopped in her car, picked up Arnold, and they drove to the school. Phoebe parked the car, and they walked up to the school.  
  
"Arnold, I have to go meet Helga in the library. Just go to class."  
  
"Oh, ok then. Bye."  
  
"Bye." Arnold walked down the almost empty hallway, wondering what to do. He didn't blame Phoebe for helping Helga. They were best friends, and Helga needed Phoebe more than Arnold needed her. Besides, Arnold was in love with Helga. He couldn't deprive her of anything, even for his own well being. He started walking around the halls, thinking of Helga. Suddenly, he had an urge to write a poem about her, so he did.  
  
Your eyes,  
  
The gateway to my heart,  
  
The key to eternal passion,  
  
Oh, dearest Helga,  
  
Where are you?  
  
I long for you  
  
I call for you and yet  
  
You are not by my side  
  
I cry out in darkness  
  
Groping for your hand  
  
And I am stuck in this reality  
  
Forever waiting for you  
  
And your love.  
  
And as if destiny was playing a game, with Arnold as its player, he walked by the newspaper room, a sign on the door,  
  
Wanted!  
  
Poets and writers for this week's edition of the Groves Weekly! Drop  
  
Your contribution in the box by the door! Thanks!  
  
Without thinking, Arnold ripped out the poem, and signed it, Hopeless Heart.  
  
Phoebe walked into the library, looking around for her best friend, but did not see her. The library was empty, except for a couple of sophomore guys looking at inappropriate things on the internet, a grouchy looking librarian, and a senior girl with brown short hair. Phoebe sat down at a table, waiting for Helga. The brunette whispered loudly,  
  
"Phoebe!" Phoebe looked over at her.  
  
"How do you know- Helga?" Phoebe recognized the expression on the girls face, a mixture of "Doi, who else," and "Thank god."  
  
"Phoebe!" Helga ran over and gave Phoebe a hug. She hung on to Phoebe as if she were a life raft. Phoebe realized that Helga was crying.  
  
"Helga? Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm so happy that you're here. If only..."  
  
"If only what?"  
  
"If only I had had the courage to confess my love to Arnold that night."  
  
"I know Helga. But who knows. There might be such a thing called fate or destiny."  
  
"But what cruel reason could it have to torment me so?!" Phoebe wished she could spare her friend this agony by telling her of Arnolds love, but she new it wasn't meant to happen like that.  
  
"So, Phoebe, how long can you stay? Like an hour? I can call you in sick, and we can go out to lunch maybe."  
  
"No need Helga. I did switch schools" Helga looked at her friend in shock.  
  
"When I said that, I didn't mean, Oh Phoebe!"  
  
"Hey, I need you as much as you need me. Who else is going tell me to get my nose out of the books and have some fun? Huh?"  
  
"Thanks you. Thank you so much!"  
  
"What are friends for?"  
  
"Hey Phoebe?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Remember, you have to call me Haley when other people are around. The FBI thinks that someone might be trying to get to us."  
  
"Oh, okay."  
  
Little did they know that someone was around. And someone was trying to get them. A big guy that had been behind the bookshelves pulled out his cell phone.  
  
"Boss? It's me Little Tim."  
  
"And?"  
  
"The little Pataki has a friend helping her out."  
  
"So? That doesn't change anything. One week from now, we're putting her out of sight. For good."  
  
"Uh, right boss. Okay. Sorry."  
  
* * * * *  
  
The next day, Helga and Phoebe were looking at the school newspaper.  
  
"Um, Helga?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Did you see the poetry column yet?"  
  
"No, why."  
  
"Well, you might want to read the one by Hopeless Heart."  
  
"Okay. Let me see it." She flipped to the last page, where the poems were.  
  
"Don't you think it's weird that someone used your real name?"  
  
"Yeah, really weird. Cause Will, you haven't met him, doesn't know my name. And no one here even talks to me besides him."  
  
"Helga, I have a confession to make."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I saw Arnold here." Helga's knees suddenly weak.  
  
"Arnold? My Arnold?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Here? I can't even do anything! And he wrote that beautiful poem! For me?!"  
  
"I guess so Helga."  
  
"Oh cruel world! To love and be loved, and yet be denied! Temptation is great!"  
  
* * *  
  
Okay people, I'm keeping my promise! Here's some real dialogue from the play "As You Like It".  
  
Character info:  
  
Rosalind: Main character. Put into exile. Loves Orlando. Cousin/ friend Celia goes with her. Is disguised as a guy.  
  
Celia: Rosalind's cousin/best friend. Follows Rosalind to forest. Helps get her and Orlando together.  
  
Orlando: Loves Rosalind. Has also been banished from the kingdom. Writes Rosalind poems and puts them on trees in the forest. Doesn't know that Rosalind is in the forest.  
  
Enter CELIA, with a writing  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Peace! Here comes my sister, reading: stand aside.  
  
CELIA  
  
[Reads]  
  
Why should this a desert be?  
  
For it is unpeopled? No:  
  
Tongues I'll hang on every tree,  
  
That shall civil sayings show:  
  
Some, how brief the life of man  
  
Runs his erring pilgrimage,  
  
That the stretching of a span  
  
Buckles in his sum of age;  
  
Some, of violated vows  
  
'Twixt the souls of friend and friend:  
  
But upon the fairest boughs,  
  
Or at every sentence end,  
  
Will I Rosalinda write,  
  
Teaching all that read to know  
  
The quintessence of every sprite  
  
Heaven would in little show.  
  
Therefore Heaven Nature charged  
  
That one body should be fill'd  
  
With all graces wide-enlarged:  
  
Nature presently distill'd  
  
Helen's cheek, but not her heart,  
  
Cleopatra's majesty,  
  
Atalanta's better part,  
  
Sad Lucretia's modesty.  
  
Thus Rosalind of many parts  
  
By heavenly synod was devised,  
  
Of many faces, eyes and hearts,  
  
To have the touches dearest prized.  
  
Heaven would that she these gifts should have,  
  
And I to live and die her slave.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
O most gentle pulpiter! what tedious homily of love  
  
have you wearied your parishioners withal, and never  
  
cried 'Have patience, good people!'  
  
CELIA  
  
Didst thou hear these verses?  
  
ROSALIND  
  
O, yes, I heard them all, and more too; for some of  
  
them had in them more feet than the verses would bear.  
  
CELIA  
  
That's no matter: the feet might bear the verses.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Ay, but the feet were lame and could not bear  
  
themselves without the verse and therefore stood  
  
lamely in the verse.  
  
CELIA  
  
But didst thou hear without wondering how thy name  
  
should be hanged and carved upon these trees?  
  
ROSALIND  
  
I was seven of the nine days out of the wonder  
  
before you came; for look here what I found on a  
  
palm-tree. I was never so be-rhymed since  
  
Pythagoras' time, that I was an Irish rat, which I  
  
can hardly remember.  
  
CELIA  
  
Trow you who hath done this?  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Is it a man?  
  
CELIA  
  
And a chain, that you once wore, about his neck.  
  
Change you colour?  
  
ROSALIND  
  
I prithee, who?  
  
CELIA  
  
O Lord, Lord! it is a hard matter for friends to  
  
meet; but mountains may be removed with earthquakes  
  
and so encounter.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Nay, but who is it?  
  
CELIA  
  
Is it possible?  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Nay, I prithee now with most petitionary vehemence,  
  
tell me who it is.  
  
CELIA  
  
O wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful  
  
wonderful! and yet again wonderful, and after that,  
  
out of all hooping!  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Good my complexion! dost thou think, though I am  
  
caparisoned like a man, I have a doublet and hose in  
  
my disposition? One inch of delay more is a  
  
South-sea of discovery; I prithee, tell me who is it  
  
quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst  
  
stammer, that thou mightst pour this concealed man  
  
out of thy mouth, as wine comes out of a narrow-  
  
mouthed bottle, either too much at once, or none at  
  
all. I prithee, take the cork out of thy mouth that  
  
may drink thy tidings.  
  
CELIA  
  
So you may put a man in your belly.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Is he of God's making? What manner of man? Is his  
  
head worth a hat, or his chin worth a beard?  
  
CELIA  
  
Nay, he hath but a little beard.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Why, God will send more, if the man will be  
  
thankful: let me stay the growth of his beard, if  
  
thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.  
  
CELIA  
  
It is young Orlando, that tripped up the wrestler's  
  
heels and your heart both in an instant.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Nay, but the devil take mocking: speak, sad brow and  
  
true maid.  
  
CELIA  
  
I' faith, coz, 'tis he.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Orlando?  
  
CELIA  
  
Orlando.  
  
Okay. I know its hard to read, but if you read the whole play( which I have posted on fanfiction under Shakespeare) it would make more sense. Its really good. I promise.  
  
*I also know that its been a long time since I've put up a chapter, but I've been working my butt off writing things for you. And one more thing, REVIEW! I know I'm obsessive, but its not surprising considering the fact that I have obsessive compulsive disorder.  
  
Until next time, this is BlackNotebook, signing out. 


	7. The Courtship of Helga and Rosalind

As You Like It-Hey Arnold Style  
  
The Courtship of Helga and Rosalind  
  
Hey people! Its finally winter break! Now I can type up a bunch of stuff. I'm working on about 4 stories at the moment, (no Anton, you cant read them yet) and this story is my top priority, after sleeping. I'm glad so many of you like it, and I hope you at least tried to read the play dialogue. I'm kinda running out of ideas for this story, and once again, I want an editor! My email address is on my bio, so email me PLEASE! By the way, I know the poems are bad, but I'm a writer, not a poet.  
  
Groves High School was buzzing with the poetry that was now being published in the school newspaper every other day. It was so popular, Groves Weekly had decided to publish just poetry on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. All the girls thought themselves in love with Hopeless Heart and all the guys wanted to know how he captured their love. Meanwhile, Helga and Phoebe were coming up with a plan.  
  
"Phoebe, we both know that it is impossible for me to tell him my true identity. But to know that he loves me, after all these years of loving him! Dear God, I can barely contain myself!"  
  
"Helga, you must act rationally. You know what the W.P.A. said. They have reason to believe that someone is conspiring after your family."  
  
"Oh all right. So how about if I approach him in my disguise."  
  
"I don't know if that's such a good idea Helga. Who knows what could happen."  
  
`But Phoebe, if I don't, oh this is impossible! I can't bear it any longer! Big Bob ruined my life just so he could get rid of one of his competitors. I've had to move, leave my school, friends, my name and everything! He cannot make me give up Arnold. I won't let him."  
  
"Alright then Helga. I don't think it's that smart of an idea, but I know I can't stop you."  
  
"Good. Okay, all we need now is a plan."  
  
** Lunch that Day **  
  
Helga, or Haley as we must now call her, looked around the crowded cafeteria for Arnold. She saw him walk in the doors, and set her plan in motion. She walked towards him, carrying a tray of food. Accidentally (or not), she ran in to him spilling her pop onto him.  
  
"Oh I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed.  
  
"Oh, it's all right."  
  
"I don't think we've met. I'm Haley." It was a good thing Phoebe never told Arnold what Helga's new identity was.  
  
"Arnold."  
  
"Well it's nice to meet you. Do you want to sit down with me and my friend?"  
  
"Sure, it'd be nice to have someone to talk to."  
  
`He's buying this hook, line and sinker!' thought Helga. Phoebe ad a meeting with the college counselor, so Helga was sitting with Will and Erica and Maddie.  
  
"Hey Will, this is Arnold."  
  
"Yeah, hi." Will took an immediate dislike to Arnold, though he didn't know why.  
  
"Hi Arnold. I'm Erica."  
  
"And I'm Maddie."  
  
"It's nice to meet you."  
  
"Likewise." Said Erica. Erica and Maddie went back to their original conversation.  
  
"So, who do you think Hopeless Heart really is? I think its Jack. He is so sweet, and he did get in A on that poem last year in English."  
  
"Maybe, but I'm still going to say it was Kyle. But what I really want to know is who Helga is! I asked everyone, including some sophomores, and no one knows who it is!" Helga watched Arnold all through out this conversation. He became more and more agitated, and finally he got up and went over to one of the vending machines. She got up and followed him. Will watched all of this. He knew why he didn't like Arnold. It was because he had such a confident, nice air about him, and Will used to be known for that. Now he would be competing with Arnold for the affections of Haley.  
  
"So, Arnold. How long have you been here?"  
  
"About a week."  
  
"Yeah, so I guess you've seen those poems, huh?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"I wish I knew who wrote them. I know a perfect cure for falling out of love." This was all a part of Helga's plan.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. But this guy is impossible to find."  
  
"He's me."  
  
"How's that?"  
  
"He's me. I'm Hopeless Heart."  
  
"Really? So who's Helga?"  
  
"This girl I knew, back home. So will you help me?"  
  
"Sure. Now here's the plan. You are going to pretend that I'm Helga, and you're going to do all things you would have done to Helga. Poems, sappy speeches, the works. Pretty soon, you'll get so sick of it that you'll decide it's not worth it, and you'll stop loving her." Arnold was incredulous whether this would actually work, but he was anxious to stop the pain in his heart. He still hadn't see Helga (no wonder) and he was beginning to doubt that she was there at all.  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Good, we can start after school. Meet me on the sidewalk in front at 2:30."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Phoebe drove home that day, without Arnold. He had explained to her the circumstances, as had Helga. She really hoped that everything would work out, though it seemed impossible. Apparently, Arnold's grandpa was going to pick him up later, so she didn't need to worry about him getting home.  
  
**In front of school**  
  
Helga was sitting on the steps, waiting for Arnold. He soon came, and said,  
  
"Hi Haley."  
  
"Oh no, you must call me Helga if this is going to work."  
  
"Alright. Hey Helga."  
  
"This is how you would talk to her, if you had a chance. Just `Hey Helga'? I doubt any one could love someone so stiff."  
  
"Sorry, this is just kind of weird for me."  
  
"Start over."  
  
"Okay. Here goes. Hi Helga."  
  
"Hi Arnold."  
  
"I was wondering if you would let me show you something."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Well, I wrote you this poem."  
  
"A poem?"  
  
"Yeah. You see, I really like you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Um, not like you, I, I love you."  
  
"You love me?"  
  
"Um, yeah."  
  
"Let me see the poem."  
  
And so began the courtship of Helga, though Arnold did not know that the poems and compliments were delivered to the right girl.  
  
Here's some more dialogue. If you wouldn't mind, tell me if I'm wasting my time putting this up, if you aren't reading it. I like it, but that's just me. In this, Rosalind has met Orlando and says she will cure him of his love. The funny part, as you will find out, is that Rosalind is disguised as a boy, Ganymede.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
But are you so much in love as your rhymes speak?  
  
ORLANDO  
  
Neither rhyme nor reason can express how much.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Love is merely a madness, and, I tell you, deserves  
  
as well a dark house and a whip as madmen do: and  
  
the reason why they are not so punished and cured  
  
is, that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers  
  
are in love too. Yet I profess curing it by counsel.  
  
ORLANDO  
  
Did you ever cure any so?  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Yes, one, and in this manner. He was to imagine me  
  
his love, his mistress; and I set him every day to  
  
woo me: at which time would I, being but a moonish  
  
youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable, longing  
  
and liking, proud, fantastical, apish, shallow,  
  
inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles, for every  
  
passion something and for no passion truly any  
  
thing, as boys and women are for the most part  
  
cattle of this colour; would now like him, now loathe  
  
him; then entertain him, then forswear him; now weep  
  
for him, then spit at him; that I drave my suitor  
  
from his mad humour of love to a living humour of  
  
madness; which was, to forswear the full stream of  
  
the world, and to live in a nook merely monastic.  
  
And thus I cured him; and this way will I take upon  
  
me to wash your liver as clean as a sound sheep's  
  
heart, that there shall not be one spot of love in't.  
  
ORLANDO  
  
I would not be cured, youth.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosalind  
  
and come every day to my cote and woo me.  
  
ORLANDO  
  
Now, by the faith of my love, I will: tell me  
  
where it is.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Go with me to it and I'll show it you and by the way  
  
you shall tell me where in the forest you live.  
  
Will you go?  
  
ORLANDO  
  
With all my heart, good youth.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Nay you must call me Rosalind.  
  
Well, that's it for now. I'm actually very proud of myself. I got two chapters out within one week of each other. Well, once again, review. I want to say thank you to a few reviewers. First of all, Houkanno Yuuhou for keeping me going, cause you really have been helpful to me, knowing that someone appreciated the Shakespeare aspect of the story. Second, Drama Girl 310, and of course, Kelsey and Anton. Ha, I'm laughing at myself. That sort of sounds like an Oscar's speech. Oh well. 


	8. The Beginning of the End

As You like It-Hey Arnold Style-Chapter 8  
  
The Beginning of the End  
  
Well, I'm glad you liked the last one, and in case any of you people are actually copy write executives for Nickelodeon, I do not own Hey Arnold, and I do not own As You Like It. What I do own is a crappy seven-year-old laptop, a guitar and about 20 C.D.'s. It's actually depressing once you think about it. But, life must go on, and so will this story.  
  
** The gangster office **  
  
"Alright Little Tim. It's almost time."  
  
"Okay boss. But I've been thinking."  
  
"You been thinking? Now what have I told you about thinking?"  
  
"I know boss, but-"  
  
"No, what have I told you about thinking?"  
  
"Thinkin's a dangerous business, once you start you can't stop."  
  
"Exactly. I'll let it go this time, but no more."  
  
"Can I tell you what I thought?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Well, you see boss, it seems the Pataki chick is somewhat popular."  
  
"So?"  
  
"And it seems that more than one fellows a little sweet on her."  
  
"I see where you're goin'"  
  
"We could hurt her even more if we hurt the one she loves."  
  
"You know Little Tim, that ideas not half bad. A little work, and it could actually be useful."  
  
"Thanks boss."  
  
"Get out of here. And find the guy we want."  
  
"Right boss."  
  
So Little Tim was at Groves High School again, this time he wasn't searching for Helga though. He was searching for the one who loved her. He walked along the hallways; the teenagers too busy trying to get to class to notice him. He saw the girl, brown hair, walking to her class, running into people with no concern. And then he saw his victim. A young man, with sandy blond hair and an athletic build was watching her, longing filled his eyes. Little Tim almost felt sorry for him. Almost.  
  
** A Park **  
  
"Okay Arnold. Day two. Lets start."  
  
"Yeah." Haley (Helga) and Arnold had agreed to meet in the local park for another "date". Arnold knew this wasn't working. His feelings for Helga hadn't lessened at all, but he liked this pretending. It let him express the way he really felt. Helga was also rejoicing in the mock relationship, knowing that Arnold truly loved her, and that these sentiments were not false.  
  
"Helga, you have to let me tell you how much I love you. You're more than a person now. You truly are a part of me."  
  
"Read me the poem again." He took a worn sheet of paper from his pocket.  
  
Why should this be a desert?  
  
For is it unpeopled? No:  
  
Words I'll hang on every tree,  
  
That will show civil sayings,  
  
Some, of how brief life is,  
  
Some of broken promises,  
  
Between the souls of friends;  
  
But on the fairest branches,  
  
Or at every sentence end,  
  
I will Helga write,  
  
Teaching all that can read to know,  
  
The essence of every sprite,  
  
That heaven wouldn't show,  
  
Therefore heaven commanded,  
  
That one body should be filled,  
  
With all the graces,  
  
Nature put in;  
  
Helen's beauty,  
  
Atlanta's better part,  
  
Sad Lucretia's modesty.  
  
So Helga of many parts,  
  
By heavenly goodness was devised,  
  
Of many faces, eyes and hearts,  
  
To have the touch dearest prized,  
  
Heaven wished that she should have these gifts,  
  
And I to live and die her slave.  
  
"That was beautiful Arnold." Helga whispered softly.  
  
"I only wish Helga, the real Helga, could see it."  
  
"She'd love it Arnold."  
  
"Thanks. Well, I gotta go Haley, but I'll meet you here tomorrow after school okay?"  
  
"Yeah, okay." Helga went home. She was giddy with love, so she called Phoebe to share it with someone.  
  
"Phoebe?"  
  
"Hi Helga."  
  
"Oh, God Phoebe, nothing could be better than this."  
  
"I take it you saw him again today."  
  
"Yeah, and he's coming tomorrow."  
  
"I'm really glad this is working out Helga."  
  
"Oh Phoebe, I wish you had someone. You deserve someone just as good as Arnold."  
  
"Well, I guess I just have to wait my turn."  
  
"You really are the best person I've ever known."  
  
"Thanks Helga."  
  
"So Phoebe, I was thinking. Why don't you come to the park with me tomorrow? After me and Arnold do the pretending thing, we could go out and do something.'  
  
"Yeah, why not?"  
  
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Gangster Office* * * *  
  
"Little Tim, come over here."  
  
"Here boss."  
  
"Good. Are we ready?"  
  
"Alls we need is your word, and we're done."  
  
"Aright, good. So, what is this kids name anyway?"  
  
"Uh, I think its Will."  
  
"Just Will?"  
  
"Thass all I heard."  
  
"Fine. And the girl?"  
  
"Doesn't know a thing."  
  
"Good. Do it tomorrow Little Tim."  
  
"I'll tell the guys."  
  
"Get outta here Little Tim."  
  
"See ya boss."  
  
Groves High School* *  
  
Arnold was on his way to meet Haley at the park, when he was delayed. As he was walking down one of the hallways, he saw Will. But Will wasn't alone. There was a big guy wearing a suit that had Will pinned up against the wall. Neither had seen Arnold yet. He moved cautiously, to avoid detection. He heard the man talking.  
  
"You picked the wrong girl to fall in love with boy. It's gonna cost you."  
  
He knew he had to help Will, although he didn't really want to. Will had been pretty bad to Arnold. First it had just been the cold shoulder, then rumors, then teasing remarks and finally threats. But being the savior of all that he was, he helped Will. He crept behind the guy in the suit, and hit him in the back of the head. The man's skull was harder than Arnold had thought, so while Arnold was nursing his almost broken knuckles, the man pulled a knife, and ripped a gash through Arnolds right arm. The man had only missed Arnold's heart because Will had kicked him behind the knee. When Will saw Arnold coming to his rescue, all his hate and resentment melted away. So while Arnold was on the ground, holding his arm and crying in pain, Will hit the man in the side of the head and knocked him out. The ambulance was called as well as the police, and when Arnold was being loaded into the ambulance, he said to Will,  
  
"Go to the park. Tell Haley what happened." So to the park Will went.  
  
At the Park**  
  
While this was going on, Helga was becoming more and more anxious.  
  
"Phoebe, where is he? He said he would be here!"  
  
"I don't know Helga. Maybe your plan actually worked, and he fell out of love with you."  
  
"But he said he was in love with me!"  
  
"Maybe "was" is the key word there Helga. But I hope not."  
  
"Oh dear God, if you must take Arnold's love from me, kill me now!" Helga shouted this at the empty sky above her. No bolt of lightning struck her, so she looked back at Phoebe.  
  
"The plan wasn't supposed to work."  
  
"I know Helga."  
  
"It wasn't supposed to work!" There were tears streaming down her face now.  
  
A new voice shouted them from the park path. "Haley!"  
  
"Oh God, it's Will. Why now?" Will ran over to them. He gave them a rushed explanation of what had happened.  
  
"Haley, something terrible had happened. There was a guy in the hallway at school who was trying to mug me or something, and Arnold tried to stop him even though I'd been so crappy to him, but he guy pulled a knife, so Arnold's in the hospital now." Helga's face was drained of all its blood and she wobbled on her feet.  
  
"Haley? Are you okay? They said Arnold would be fine." But Helga had fainted. Phoebe and Will brought her around.  
  
"Um, are you okay?" Will knew that Haley (Helga) liked Arnold, but not enough to faint like this. Phoebe was watching Will. There was something happening to her, and she didn't know what it was. Will looked at her when he felt her gaze. Their eyes met.  
  
no sooner met but they looked, no sooner looked but they  
  
loved, no sooner loved but they sighed, no sooner  
  
sighed but they asked one another the reason, no  
  
sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy  
  
(that was another piece of dialogue form the play, but I had to add it in, in case you missed it)  
  
"Will? Will?" He shook himself form his new lovely thoughts of Phoebe.  
  
"Hmm? Are you okay now?"  
  
"I think so, as long as you're sure he's all right. He is all right?"  
  
"The paramedics said he could go home in two days."  
  
"Oh thank God."  
  
"I take it you really like him." She became alarmed.  
  
"No. Just tell him how well I faked a swoon for Helga's sake."  
  
"Faked? It didn't seem fake to me."  
  
"Just tell him."  
  
"Alright."  
  
Here's your daily dose of Shakespearean dialogue! Oliver is really Orlando's brother, but since Arnold doesn't have a brother, Oliver is Will.  
  
OLIVER  
  
Good morrow, fair ones: pray you, if you know,  
  
Where in the purlieus of this forest stands  
  
A sheep-cote fenced about with olive trees?  
  
CELIA  
  
West of this place, down in the neighbour bottom:  
  
The rank of osiers by the murmuring stream  
  
Left on your right hand brings you to the place.  
  
But at this hour the house doth keep itself;  
  
There's none within.  
  
OLIVER  
  
If that an eye may profit by a tongue,  
  
Then should I know you by description;  
  
Such garments and such years: 'The boy is fair,  
  
Of female favour, and bestows himself  
  
Like a ripe sister: the woman low  
  
And browner than her brother.' Are not you  
  
The owner of the house I did inquire for?  
  
CELIA  
  
It is no boast, being ask'd, to say we are.  
  
OLIVER  
  
Orlando doth commend him to you both,  
  
And to that youth he calls his Rosalind  
  
He sends this bloody napkin. Are you he?  
  
ROSALIND  
  
I am: what must we understand by this?  
  
OLIVER  
  
Some of my shame; if you will know of me  
  
What man I am, and how, and why, and where  
  
This handkercher was stain'd.  
  
CELIA  
  
I pray you, tell it.  
  
OLIVER  
  
When last the young Orlando parted from you  
  
He left a promise to return again  
  
Within an hour, and pacing through the forest,  
  
Chewing the food of sweet and bitter fancy,  
  
Lo, what befell! he threw his eye aside,  
  
And mark what object did present itself:  
  
Under an oak, whose boughs were moss'd with age  
  
And high top bald with dry antiquity,  
  
A wretched ragged man, o'ergrown with hair,  
  
Lay sleeping on his back: about his neck  
  
A green and gilded snake had wreathed itself,  
  
Who with her head nimble in threats approach'd  
  
The opening of his mouth; but suddenly,  
  
Seeing Orlando, it unlink'd itself,  
  
And with indented glides did slip away  
  
Into a bush: under which bush's shade  
  
A lioness, with udders all drawn dry,  
  
Lay couching, head on ground, with catlike watch,  
  
When that the sleeping man should stir; for 'tis  
  
The royal disposition of that beast  
  
To prey on nothing that doth seem as dead:  
  
This seen, Orlando did approach the man  
  
And found it was his brother, his elder brother.  
  
CELIA  
  
O, I have heard him speak of that same brother;  
  
And he did render him the most unnatural  
  
That lived amongst men.  
  
OLIVER  
  
And well he might so do,  
  
For well I know he was unnatural.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
But, to Orlando: did he leave him there,  
  
Food to the suck'd and hungry lioness?  
  
OLIVER  
  
Twice did he turn his back and purposed so;  
  
But kindness, nobler ever than revenge,  
  
And nature, stronger than his just occasion,  
  
Made him give battle to the lioness,  
  
Who quickly fell before him: in which hurtling  
  
From miserable slumber I awaked.  
  
CELIA  
  
Are you his brother?  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Wast you he rescued?  
  
CELIA  
  
Was't you that did so oft contrive to kill him?  
  
OLIVER  
  
'Twas I; but 'tis not I I do not shame  
  
To tell you what I was, since my conversion  
  
So sweetly tastes, being the thing I am.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
But, for the bloody napkin?  
  
OLIVER  
  
By and by.  
  
When from the first to last betwixt us two  
  
Tears our recountments had most kindly bathed,  
  
As how I came into that desert place:--  
  
In brief, he led me to the gentle duke,  
  
Who gave me fresh array and entertainment,  
  
Committing me unto my brother's love;  
  
Who led me instantly unto his cave,  
  
There stripp'd himself, and here upon his arm  
  
The lioness had torn some flesh away,  
  
Which all this while had bled; and now he fainted  
  
And cried, in fainting, upon Rosalind.  
  
Brief, I recover'd him, bound up his wound;  
  
And, after some small space, being strong at heart,  
  
He sent me hither, stranger as I am,  
  
To tell this story, that you might excuse  
  
His broken promise, and to give this napkin  
  
Dyed in his blood unto the shepherd youth  
  
That he in sport doth call his Rosalind.  
  
ROSALIND swoons  
  
CELIA  
  
Why, how now, Ganymede! sweet Ganymede!  
  
OLIVER  
  
Many will swoon when they do look on blood.  
  
CELIA  
  
There is more in it. Cousin Ganymede!  
  
OLIVER  
  
Look, he recovers.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
I would I were at home.  
  
CELIA  
  
We'll lead you thither.  
  
I pray you, will you take him by the arm?  
  
OLIVER  
  
Be of good cheer, youth: you a man! you lack a  
  
man's heart.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
I do so, I confess it. Ah, sirrah, a body would  
  
think this was well counterfeited! I pray you, tell  
  
your brother how well I counterfeited. Heigh-ho!  
  
OLIVER  
  
This was not counterfeit: there is too great  
  
testimony in your complexion that it was a passion  
  
of earnest.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
Counterfeit, I assure you.  
  
OLIVER  
  
Well then, take a good heart and counterfeit to be a man.  
  
ROSALIND  
  
So I do: but, i' faith, I should have been a woman by right.  
  
CELIA  
  
Come, you look paler and paler: pray you, draw  
  
homewards. Good sir, go with us.  
  
OLIVER  
  
That will I, for I must bear answer back  
  
How you excuse my brother, Rosalind.  
  
I have mixed feelings right now. I'm both happy and sad. No, it's not because I'm a teenager and this is a mood swing! It's because there's only one more chapter for this story! I'm gonna miss it! But then I can work on my other stories like Beauty and the Beast, and a fairy tale I'm writing. 


	9. Kisses in the park

Hey Arnold-As You Like It  
  
The End  
  
This chapter has been done for about a week now, but fan fiction wasn't letting me upload it, and then I had to retype it cause the disk I saved it on wasn't woking, so whatever. Well, it's the last chapter. And chapters like these are too rare to be burdened with heavy-handed words. (That was from A Knights Tale, I couldn't resist. He he.) Here it is. Enjoy!  
  
Gangster Office***  
  
"Little Tim, today's the big day."  
  
"Right boss."  
  
"Are we ready?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then lets do it."  
  
So Little Tim and the man we have come to know as Boss hopped in a black sedan and drove to Rosewood (That's the area where Helga lives if you can't remember). They got out at the corner and started to walk towards the house. But it seems that God was watching over Helga, for, as Boss and Little Tim were approaching Helga's house, a pastor form a nearby church approached them.  
  
"Good morning gentlemen, it is a fine morning isn't it?" although Boss was thoroughly evil, he was a Christian man. (Don't ask me why, even Al Capone went to church on Sunday's.)  
  
"Indeed it is father."  
  
"T'would be a pity for something to spoil a day as good as this one."  
  
"Yes, I suppose it would be." Boss was now on his toes. There was no way the priest could know what they were about to do.  
  
"You seem like a family man. I was just returning from visiting a family that has just moved in. They have two children, a boy and a girl. Charming young ones they are. Do you have children sir?"  
  
"I have a son."  
  
"You know that they are indeed a godsend then."  
  
"In truth, they are."  
  
"The folks who live here, though a bit reclusive have a fine young lady for a daughter." Boss's vengeance towards Big Bob was slowly melting.  
  
"You seem like fine men. Perhaps you would be so kind as to come back to the church with me and help me. I am getting on in years and cannot do as much as before. There are a few unfortunate children who come around every day, wanting food and money. I truly wish I had more to give out, but-"  
  
"Speak no more. We will come and help these young ones." And so, by this old man's words, the cold heart of Boss was melted.  
  
Groves High School***  
  
Arnold had come back to school. His wound wasn't too bad, they stitched it up, and he just had to stay in bed for a day or two since he was weak from the blood loss. Will had visited him in the hospital, giving his thanks for saving his life and telling Arnold of his newfound love with Phoebe.  
  
"Arnold, it's so great. I finally found someone for me. She's smart and beautiful and funny. I love this feeling, it's like walking on air."  
  
"It's great Will." Arnold couldn't stand listening to it. And really, Arnold was dying. Not how we usually think of it with a grim reaper and a coffin. But his heart was dying. His soul was dying. He didn't understand why he hadn't seen Helga, even though Phoebe had said she saw her every day. He knew that he couldn't survive much more of this torture. He went back to school a few days later, his arm was in a sling. Haley immediate came up to him.  
  
"Oh Arnold, I'm so glad you're okay. When Will told me you were hurt, I almost fainted."  
  
"That wasn't the way I heard it. Will said you really did faint."  
  
"Oh, well that, that was just for Helga's sake. You know, if she had been there."  
  
"Right." He said in a disbelieving voice.  
  
"I was just afraid that you had been stabbed in the heart."  
  
"But my heart was not wounded with a knife, but with the eyes of a girl. Oh, I wish she were here. You said you would cure me, and all this pretending has only made my love grow stronger." Helga knew what she had to do.  
  
"Arnold, you've been the greatest guy I've ever known. And I think you deserve something. Something big. So I'm going to find Helga., and she'll be here tomorrow and love you as much as you love her." Arnold didn't know if it was possible for someone to love another person as much as he loved Helga, but he wished he could believe her. But he knew that Helga couldn't be found, and he knew with even more conviction that she didn't love him.  
  
"It's impossible."  
  
"Nothing is impossible when love is involved." Helga was looking into his deep green eyes, and had such an overwhelming urge to kiss him that she had to look away.  
  
"I doubt you can do it, but by all means, try. It would be nice to go out. Maybe with Will and Phoebe. They're inseparable. I envy him so much. He has never known the pains of love.  
  
"Then your love will prove to be stronger. Don't worry, it'll all come out for the best." That day after school, Helga went to the Beauty parlor where she had first been transformed, and bought a wig that exactly matched her old blond hair. She hoped that Arnold would be able to understand that she had had to deceive him in order to protect him.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * The Park-The Next Day * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Arnold was sitting on a bench in the park, waiting for Haley. She had said that he would bring Helga there, so there he was. Will and Phoebe were there as well. They were sitting on another bench, cuddling and whispering and doing whatever else people do when they're in love.  
  
"Where is she?" He said harshly to himself. Despite his attempts not to, he had begun to hope. Hope was the death of many people, and he knew that if she did not come, it would be the death of him as well. Suddenly he sat up strait. Someone was walking down the path. 'Was it her? Could it be?' His heart was beating wildly.  
  
It was Haley.  
  
She was alone.  
  
Arnold's heart had never experienced such torment. It was ripped apart, stepped on, blown up, burned up, and tortured, all at once. He had tears in his eyes. Haley approached him.  
  
"Arnold, I have one question."  
  
"What is it?" His voice was the voice of a man with nothing more to live for.  
  
"If Helga comes, do you promise to love her forever, as you told me many times that you would?" He looked up, his eyes and cheeks glistening with tears.  
  
"I promise to love her forever and a day."  
  
"Okay. Okay." She said this with a determined yet wary tone. She left, going back down the path, leaving Arnold with a bruised and beaten, but still hoping heart.  
  
  
  
A/N: I really wanted to end the chapter there and leave you guys hanging for like a month, but I decided that would be too cruel, considering the fact that I had promised that there would only be one more chapter. So be thankful. End of A/N.  
  
  
  
Helga went over the tree were she had stored her wig, just out of Arnold's sight. She had asked him that question because she needed a last minute reassurance. She put on the wig, and her old bullish air, took a deep breath and went back up the path to where Arnold was sitting. He jumped up when he saw her coming down the path. He stood on the path in front of her, with no idea what to do. He was very nervous, his hands were shaking and he was twisting them around. She too stood awkwardly upon the path, wishing for this first moment to be over. She reached out and took both of his shaking hands in her own.  
  
"If there is truth in sight, then you are my dearest Helga," he said, his voice shaking as much as his hands. His heart was in his throat.  
  
"If there is truth in the heart, then you are my dearest Arnold." His heart jumped at these words, and he was so happy he felt like flying.  
  
"Arnold, I give myself, my heart, my everything to you."  
  
"And I would do the same for you, loveliest Helga, but you already have them.: He drew her up to him, their hearts beating in unison, their bodies pressed against each other. She was blushing, and looked down. He drew her chin up with his hand gently, so she was looking at him. She smiled shyly. He drew her into an embrace, and she relished in the feel of his lips on hers. After this passionate kiss, she said,  
  
"Arnold, I have something to tell you." Actually, it was more like, "Arnold- kiss-I have-kiss-something-kiss kiss-to tell you."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You know that girl Haley?"  
  
"Mmm hmm."  
  
"Well it was me." He drew away from her, confusion in her eyes.  
  
"See, I know Phoebe told you the whole W.P.A. thing. And when I found out that you loved me after so many years of loving you-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'll explain later. But I couldn't let you get away. So I came up to you in disguise, needing to be near you but it was impossible for me to let you who I was. I'm really sorry that I tricked you, and I'll do anything you want, to have you forgive me." He drew her against his chest.  
  
"Oh Helga, you don't need to apologize. I'm not angry, and I doubt I could be, I love you so much." And she looked up into those deep green eyes that she had fallen in love with so long ago, and smiled.  
  
  
  
Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. And this one left them all behind.  
  
  
  
It's over, it's really over. Somehow, I wish this story could keep going forever, but to have a good story, there has to be a happily ever after. Now I guess I have more time to work on other stories. For your information, the poem that Arnold read to Helga in the 8th chapter was actually one of Orlando's poems translated into modern day English, so that's why the rhymes are sorta messed up. And the last line about the kisses was form The Princess Bride.  
  
  
  
Till Whenever,  
  
Blacknotebook 


End file.
